PRIMETIME  FOOTBALL  LEAGUE  2013

In The Grudge Business Since 1995

2013 WEEK #14

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

FANTASY BOWL XIX
EPISODE XIX: THE PLAYBOYS STRIKE BACK
(December 23, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

A cold, familiar wind once again blows over the PFL as the infamous Polish Playboys returned to the top of the PFL universe. "Yes, it does blow," agreed a frustrated Jorge Gonzalez. "Nobody can beat that idiot, and I can't seem to lose to him. I've tried. He's wrecked two of my past five drafts by refusing to defeat some of the crappiest, most underachieving, fire-sale dismantled squads I've ever put on the field. Now he's got his third Hoskins Trophy."

The Playboys made an admirable run in 2013, topping the league with the second most points ever scored in a regular season on his way to the Jedi Conference Championship, then vanquishing the Death Row Models in Fantasy Bowl XIX. His three titles tie the Chapel Hillbillies Fred Maske for the most ever. "This is just the beginning," a reflective Jeff Zuber said from his Los Angeles estate as crews worked in shifts around the clock to repair, replace, and sometimes disinfect the wasted remains of over five days of exuberant victory celebrations. "With our contracts, we'll dominate this league for several more years. It's good to be back."

Not many owners agreed, though league Commissioner Matt Lendach circulated a heartfelt congratulatory email message shortly before the victory was official. "Sometimes it's not good to be Commissioner," a restrained Lendach stated when questioned about the email. "Sometimes you would rather murder all the owners before taking your own life, you just hate to see them go through this."

It's going to be a long offseason as owners pick up the pieces of a dark, disturbing 2013 season. For some, the 2014 draft cannot come soon enough.

As 2013 draws to a close, Jeff Zuber, the Dark Lord of the Jedi Conference once again reigns over the PFL.

PLAYBOYS CELEBRATE THIRD PFL CHAMPIONSHIP:
(December 19, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

The sound of music and debauchery blasted through the night over the walls of the Polish Playboys compound in the Hollywood Hills as arguably the most hated team in PFL history celebrated their third PFL Championship--a full four days before the game actually begins. A lack of confidence never being a problem for Jeff Zuber, team owner and Head Playboy, it was still unusual to see the celebration commence before a ball had been snapped. "No worries," Mr. Zuber stated through the speakerphone to the media herded like cattle against the gated driveway. "We'll still be going strong well after the game is in the books. Perseverance is crucial when celebrating a Championship."

With literally the entire game left to play, several in the media wondered if the raucous celebration might be premature or even ill-advised. Others questioned whether the Playboys might be underestimating their opponent. "Never." Mr. Zuber definitively replied. "You don't win three PFL Championships by refusing to take your adversary seriously. I'm sure whoever we're playing has a fine squad."
At the time of print most media members were attempting to reach John Mead, owner of the Death Row Models, the other team in the PFL Championship Game.

(Jeff Zuber... Celebrating Like A Champion Today)

PLF UPDATES WITH 2 GAMES LEFT IN THE 2013 REGULAR SEASON:

(November 27, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

Happy Thanksgiving to all PFL Owners and their families.

THE RACE FOR THE PLAYOFFS:

JEDI:              At this point there is no race for the playoffs. Amazingly, both the Polish Playboys and Chapel Hillbillies have clinched playoff spots with 2 games still to play. All that’s left to play for is the Conference Title and bragging rights.

EMPIRE:       Los Intocables have claimed a playoff spot and currently own a 1 game in the race for the Empire Conference Title. The Empire Conference GAME OF THE YEAR may well be in Week 14 when Los Intocables and Models will face off.

The Death Row Models are 1 game behind Los Intocables and own a very important 55 point advantage over the Intocables in Points For. If the Models win in Week 13 they are guaranteed a chance at playing for the Empire Conference Title against Los Intocables.

The Frognation Imposters are 1.5 games out of the playoffs at this point, but they can still make the playoffs if they win their last two games and the Models lose their last two games.

The Raleigh Roughhousers can technically tie the Models at 8-6, but the Models have a 94 Points For lead over Raleigh. Thus, the Roughhousers realistically only have 2014 to look forward to at this point... the good news is they are also only a half game out of 5th place and the #2 overall draft choice.

THE RACE FOR THE #1 OVERALL:

JEDI:       At this point the Valhalla Victimizers are 1.5 games in last place. Valhalla will lock up the #1 overall unless they win their remaining 2 games and the Khakis lose their remaining 2 games There are tie scenarios in play as well, but 1 loss “secures” last place for Valhalla.

EMPIRE:     At this point the 0-12 Boomer Sooners have locked it up. Will they be the first 0-14 team in league history?

PLAYBOYS CLINCH!

(November 20, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

The Polish Playboys are the first PFL team in 2013 to clinch a playoff berth.  A thoughtful Jeff Zuber, team owner and Head Playboy, had this to say: "You're welcome."


    (Jeff Zuber... the man you wish you were)

Hillbillies Enthusiastically WELCOME NEWLY ACQUIRED KICKER:
(October 5, 2013) Chapel Hill, North Carolina -

Once again in position to secure a playoff spot, the Dombrowski-like front office of the Chapel Hillbillies pulled off a staggering deal to fill in the final puzzle pieces to a Championship run.

Caleb Sturgis was all smiles as he was introduced with his new Hillbillies jersey and 10-game contract. The Hillbillies paid a steep price in future drafts, but they are now much more comfortable with a rookie who has proven his worth over the long haul in his 4-game career. This seemingly solidifies the backup kicker position for the team going forward.

A wide receiver named Demaryius Thomas was also involved in the deal.

2013 POST JEDI DRAFT TEAM ANALYSIS:
(September 2, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

In an informal poll of 10 PFL fans, here are the Jedi Conference team rankings:

1 – 2 – 3 – 4:
It’s too close to call between the Top 4 Jedi Teams... the Chapel Hillbillies, Polish Playboys, Sayrehill SnoopJuice, and Valhalla Victimizers. Each one can win the Conference or make the playoffs with 50-50 luck. Sure, the Playboys need Dez Bryant to live up to the hype or they’ll likely fall short, but each one of the Top 4 teams needs their top draft picks to get things done in order to be  Top 2 after Week 14. The team that suffers the dreaded fate of scoring big and still losing will probably fall short. Somewhere along the line these teams will be separated by some fortunate wins and gut wrenching losses.

5th Place:
Greek Godfathers (not without playoff hopes in this competitive Conference, but the Godfathers may  be a trade away from having a 50-50 shot at a top 2 spot.)

6th Place:
South Bend Khakis (Only Jedi team clearly below the rest. Gronkowski injury issues hurt, not best at any other position, need considerable good fortune to make playoffs).

FINAL PREDICTION:

Jedi Champion:    CHAPEL HILLBILLIES
Second Place:      
POLISH PLAYBOYS

THE 2013 SEASON IS FINALLY HERE:
(August 20, 2013) Los Angeles, California -

The Jedi Conference
CONFIRMED FOR Sunday, September 1st @ 6pm Eastern / 3pm Los Angeles: 

The Empire Conference
CONFIRMED FOR Sunday, September 1st @ 9pm Eastern / 6pm Los Angeles:

With Conference Draft Day 2013 coming in just a few week, it's time to look at the season upon us and determine who looks good for the playoffs and who looks bad.  Here are the latest PFL Power Rankings.  These rankings don't just consider wins and loses, but also consider scoring potential, injuries, and franchise leadership.

PFL TOP 5 POWER RANKINGS:

1 - Raleigh Roughhousers
2 -
LOS INTOCABLES
3 - Sayrehill SnoopJuice
4 - CHAPEL HILLBILLIES
5 - POLISH PLAYBOYS
5B
- South Bend Khakis

Of course, only time will tell how things will really play out.

THE 2012 SEASON IS FINALLY HERE:
(September 12, 2012) Los Angeles, California -
With Conference Draft Day 2012 come and gone, it's time to look at the season upon us and determine who looks good for the playoffs and who looks bad.  Here are the latest PFL Power Rankings.  These rankings don't just consider wins and loses, but also consider scoring potential, injuries, and franchise leadership.

PFL TOP 4 POWER RANKINGS:

1 - Sayrehill SnoopJuice:  It wasn't their best week and they still scored 36.  What will they do when Phily starts moving the ball?

2 -
Raleigh Roughhousers:  It seemed like a sluggish offensive week for their stars and they still scored 37 points... there is potential for more in Raleigh.

3 -
Valhalla Victimizers:  They are trying to make their third straight Fantasy Bowl, and so far they look like real competitors with 41 points in Week 1 and multiple contract quality players on the roster.

4 -
Serbian Serial Killers:  Week 1 was far from their best with just 26 points, but it was a win and their roster is scary with McCoy, Julio Jones, and Calvin Johnson.  

Of course, only time will tell how things will really play out.

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