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Last
Updated:
DECEMBER 22, 2011 at 8:09 AM PT ) |
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In The Grudge Business Since 1995 |
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zuber furious in victory - press secretary "zoe" cleans up latest pr
mess: |
(September 12,
2011) Los Angeles, California -
 Following
their week 1 victory over the SnoopJuice, Polish Playboys owner and
GM Jeff Zuber spoke by phone about the victory. "It's unacceptable
that I'm sweating this sh*t out on Monday night. Add to it the fact
that our guy looked like he kicked the first one blindfolded, and
you get an owner that is not a happy camper. Not at all." Mr. Zuber
was clear that "changes will be made."
In a hasty response to the unprepared comments of Mr. Zuber, Polish
Playboys Press Secretary Carrie "Zoe" Kemper addressed the media
gathered outside the Polish Playboy estates. "Let's not be overly
concerned about what Mr. 'Al Davis' Zuber has to say about this
team's performance. I can't believe he's still running this place.
What's he like, 50? He hasn't won a championship in this century,
and he still never shuts his mouth." Kemper slurped down the last of
her signature Starbucks iced tea. "We won, period."
In familiar fashion, Kemper railed against her employer and then
abruptly ended the press conference to return to the loud music and
fanfare emanating from inside the estate walls. Later, a candid shot
of the party was leaked to the press, demonstrating that the obvious
discord in the front office apparently wasn't making its way to the
"back office". ***** LEAGUE NOTES & RUMORS *****
-- An anonymous tip source and swirling rumors say that
the SayreHill franchise co-owners, known as "Juice" and "Snoop", are "at
each others throats" after their teams third straight loss
dating
back to the 2010 season... though Jeff Zuber refused to acknowledge
any knowledge of these nasty rumors, the "hot tip" received by numerous press
outlets was hand written on Polish Playboys stationary.
-- Soon to be free-agent kicker Nate Kaeding was allegedly seen
last night at the Chapel Hillbillies Headquarters... this according
to another rumor hand written on Polish Playboys stationary.
The pencil written note says Hillbillie owner, Fred Maske, is
considering handing Kaeding a two year contract and building his
team around him. Once again, Jeff Zuber denied knowledge of the
spreading rumor, albeit with a wide smile and aura of
self-satisfaction. These latest allegations increase the
high-tension between the two franchises that started when Zuber
pushed the so called "Maske Rule" into effect. The rule
prevents a franchise owner from trading away its future in order to
win now and then following up that win by dumping their draft pick
lacking team for another team in a better spot. When
questioned about that controversy, Zuber swirled Ms. Kemper around
on the dance floor and stated, "There's only one problem with the
Maske Rule... it puts the words "Maske" and "Rule" together." |
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2010 Season
PLAYOFF POSSIBILITIES - TWO WEEKS TO GO: |
(November 30,
2010) Los Angeles, California -
The
latest PFL Conference Standings are below. Here are the current PFL
playoff possibility scenarios:
EMPIRE CONFERENCE:
Boomer Sooners:
The Sooners have clinched a playoff spot and will clinch the Empire
Conference Regular Season title with a win or tie in either of their
last 2 games or a Raleigh Roughhousers loss or tie.
Raleigh Roughhousers:
The Roughhousers will clinch a playoff spot by winning either of
their last 2 games (against the Imposters and Serbians) or by having
the Models and Imposters lose or tie 1 of their 2 remaining games.
Death Row Models:
The Models must win their 2 remaining games (against the Serbians
and Intocables) and have the Roughhousers lose their 2 remaining
games. The Models cannot realistically beat the Roughhousers on the
Point For tie-breaker.
Frognation Imposters:
The Imposters must defeat the Roughhousers in Week 13 and the
Sooners in Week 14, have the Roughhousers lose their Week 14 game
against the Serbians, and have the Models lose or tie 1 of their
remaining games. The Imposters currently have a 63 point advantage
in Points For over the Models. The Imposters trail the Roughhousers
by 44 points in Points For.
Serbian Serial Killers: They are essentially
eliminated from playoff contention, because they cannot
realistically make the playoffs since they currently trail the
Roughhousers by 133 points in Points For.
Los Intocables: They are eliminated from playoff
contention.
JEDI CONFERENCE:
Valhalla Victimizers:
The Victimizers will make the playoffs and win the Jedi Conference
by winning their 2 remaining games against the Godfathers and
Playboys, assuming they maintain their 49 point Points For lead over
the SnoopJuice. They will also make the playoffs by winning 1 of
their 2 remaining games, again, assuming they maintain their 49
point Points For lead over the SnoopJuice.
Sayrehill SnoopJuice:
Win their last 2 games and they make the playoffs. Win in Week 13
and make the playoffs even with a Week 14 loss. They will also win
the Jedi Conference by winning their last 2 games and having the
Victimizers lose or tie one of their 2 remaining games. They can
also make the playoffs by losing in Week 13 and then winning in Week
14 against the Hillbillies if the Khakis lose in Week 14 against the
Godfathers or if they win in Week 14 and the Victimizers lose in
Week 13 and Week 14.
South Bend Khakis:
Win their last 2 games and they make the playoffs. Win their last
two games and they win the conference if the Victimizers lose or tie
one of their 2 remaining games. If the Khakis lose in Week 13, they
must win in Week 14 over the Godfathers and have the Victimizers to
lose their final 2 games in order to make the playoffs.
Polish Playboys:
The Playboys must win their 2 remaining games against the
Hillbillies and Victimizers, have the Victimizers lose in Week 13
against the Godfathers, have the SnoopJuice lose in Week 13 against
the Khakis and in Week 14 against the Hillbillies, and have the
Khakis lose in Week 14 against the Godfathers. Then the Playboys
can make the playoffs on the Points For tie-breaker that they
currently lead by 12 points over the Khakis, assuming they maintain
it.
Greek Godfathers: They are essentially eliminated
from playoff contention since the SnoopJuice or Khakis must gain at
least half a game from their Week 13 matchup, and the Godfathers
cannot realistically finish ahead of the Victimizers who lead them
by 2 games and 59 points in the Points For tie-breaker.
Chapel Hillbillies: They are eliminated from
playoff contention.
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2010 PFL REGULAR SEASON
AFTER WEEK #12
(THE TOP TWO TEAMS IN EACH CONFERENCE MAKE THE PLAYOFFS)
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JEDI CONFERENCE 2010 |
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TEAMS |
WON |
LOST |
TIED |
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Valhalla Victimizers |
6 |
5 |
1 |
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SayreHill SnoopJuice |
6 |
5 |
1 |
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South Bend Khakis |
6 |
6 |
0 |
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Polish Playboys |
5 |
7 |
0 |
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Greek Godfathers |
4 |
7 |
1 |
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Chapel Hillbillies |
4 |
8 |
0 |
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EMPIRE CONFERENCE 2010 |
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TEAMS |
WON |
LOST |
TIED |
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Boomer Sooners |
10 |
2 |
0 |
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Raleigh Roughhousers |
8 |
4 |
0 |
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Death Row Models |
6 |
5 |
1 |
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Frognation Imposters |
6 |
6 |
0 |
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Serbian Serial Killers |
5 |
5 |
2 |
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Los Intocables |
3 |
9 |
0 |
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POINTS FOR |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
TOTAL |
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Raleigh Roughhousers |
38 |
28 |
26 |
49 |
10 |
41 |
39 |
22 |
36 |
50 |
41 |
29 |
0 |
0 |
419 |
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Valhalla Victimizers |
26 |
40 |
33 |
37 |
28 |
27 |
24 |
34 |
34 |
20 |
43 |
53 |
0 |
0 |
399 |
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Boomer Sooners |
38 |
14 |
28 |
30 |
42 |
34 |
28 |
36 |
40 |
37 |
43 |
20 |
0 |
0 |
390 |
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Frognation Imposters |
35 |
36 |
24 |
32 |
28 |
36 |
45 |
17 |
35 |
17 |
46 |
24 |
0 |
0 |
375 |
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Chapel Hillbillies |
23 |
11 |
19 |
33 |
8 |
8 |
37 |
20 |
63 |
32 |
62 |
44 |
0 |
0 |
360 |
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SayreHill SnoopJuice |
24 |
40 |
15 |
16 |
40 |
27 |
49 |
22 |
27 |
40 |
23 |
27 |
0 |
0 |
350 |
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Los Intocables |
26 |
29 |
51 |
23 |
21 |
12 |
38 |
24 |
47 |
22 |
28 |
29 |
0 |
0 |
350 |
|
Greek Godfathers |
29 |
47 |
37 |
29 |
23 |
29 |
26 |
36 |
17 |
29 |
18 |
20 |
0 |
0 |
340 |
|
Death Row Models |
11 |
32 |
25 |
26 |
27 |
14 |
33 |
15 |
35 |
23 |
42 |
21 |
0 |
0 |
304 |
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Polish Playboys |
17 |
14 |
32 |
20 |
31 |
33 |
24 |
29 |
10 |
43 |
29 |
12 |
0 |
0 |
294 |
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Serbians Serbian Killers |
12 |
29 |
21 |
26 |
20 |
29 |
31 |
31 |
16 |
29 |
9 |
33 |
0 |
0 |
286 |
|
South Bend Khakis |
37 |
24 |
33 |
15 |
35 |
20 |
11 |
17 |
26 |
24 |
33 |
7 |
0 |
0 |
282 |
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PRESS SECRETARY
DENOUNCES PLAYBOYS MANAGEMENT |
| (November 2, 2010)
Los Angeles, California - |
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On Sunday, four plays into his stint as a
Valhalla Victimizer after being traded from the Polish Playboys,
Kenny Britt injured his right hamstring and will be out
indefinitely. On the following day Randy Moss, traded from the
Poles to the Greek Godfathers as part of what's widely
considered the most evenly balanced trade in the history of the
PFL, was cut from his NFL squad.
In response to growing rumors of a Polish
curse, Playboy Press Secretary Carrie "Zoe" Kemper reluctantly
addressed the gathered media. "You're idiots. All of you."
Kemper then disappeared as quickly as she arrived, leaving no
explanation for the widely circulated photo of what appears to
be Kemper (shown far left), as some form of fairy-angel,
placing a curse on what used to be Ron Tess on a golf cart.
Cedric Benson was last seen entering the
St. Peter in Chains Cathedral on 8th and Plum in downtown
Cincinnati (shown left). |
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PRESS SECRETARY
DENOUNCES PLAYBOYS MANAGEMENT |
| (October 3, 2010)
Huntington Beach, California - |
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The morning after the Polish Playboys sent
Randy Moss and Cedric Benson to the Greek Godfathers for 3rd and
6th round picks in 2011, as well as 1st and 6th round picks in
2012, the Playboys rookie Press Secretary Carrie "Zoe" Kemper
(pictured) went off script when sharing thoughts with the
gathering media.
"I work for a gaggle of p*ssies." Ms.
Kemper ranted. "I never signed up for this. It's week three.
Week three. You don't abandon ship in week three. We've
got Neville Chamberlain running this outfit."
Appearing as if she just got out of bed and
feverishly slurping on a large Starbucks iced tea, Ms. Kemper
seemed frustrated. "Cedric Benson, the only Bengal on the
team? You protect that guy, you don't trade him for a sack of
broken dildos. We all know Palmer isn't getting it done."
When asked about Randy Moss, Kemper
thoughtfully offered "He's getting up there. I don't know about
him. He's no spring chicken."
Playboys owner and GM Jeff Zuber could not be reached for
comment. |
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Press Predictions for THE Conference Championships & Fantasy Bowl
XVI, & a PFL CURSE?: |
(August 22,
2010) Los Angeles, California -
Will the Godfathers repeat as PFL Champions? The analysts say,
"NO!"
With the 2010 Empire
Conference and Jedi Conference Drafts both in the books, press
predictions, team draft reviews, and roster debates are coming fast
furious all around the world. The primefootball.com staff has spent
the last 15 hours reading newspaper articles and blog rants, and the
early season buzz is in.
Here
are what the majority of analysts collectively predict for the 2010
PFL Season...
Playoff Team Predictions:
http://www.primefootball.com/2010/2010week15.htm
Fantasy Bowl XVI Predictions (at The Juice Joint in Sayrehill, NJ):
http://www.primefootball.com/2010/2010week16.htm
While the most commonly predicted results are shown on those pages,
it is also important to note a PFL fact that is being mentioned in
dozens of PFL blogs and in leading newspapers... THE PFL FANTASY
BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP HAS NEVER BEEN WON BY A MARRIED PFL TEAM OWNER.
When Fantasy Bowl XVI kicks off just before Christmas 2010, 7 of the
12 PFL team owners will be married. If tradition holds true, that
will mean that only 5 teams can possibly win Fantasy Bowl XVI.
Those teams are the defending champion Greek Godfathers, the Chapel
Hillbillies, the Polish Playboys, and the long shot South Bend
Khakis all in the Jedi Conference, and the Serbian Serial Killers as
the Empire Conferences loan bachelor owned franchise. Will the PFL
marriage curse continue? Time will tell... |
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THE GREEK GODFATHER'S ARE STILL ON TOP AFTER 7 WEEKS: |
(October 29,
2009) Los Angeles, California -
This PFL season is full of stories... new teams, owners switching
teams, trades with multiple clauses, the list goes on and on... but
the biggest story so far has been the 1st Place standing of Gus
Kotsianas and his Greek Godfathers. Two interesting events
have occurred in the last week that have, once again, brought this
topic to the forefront of sports radio stations and television shows
worldwide.
EVENT 1
- the Greek Godfathers bought billboards in busy intersections of major metropolitan
cities publicizing the teams quick 5-1-1 season start.
EVENT 2
- the reactions of average citizens to the advertisements are
being videotaped to access how people really feel about the Godfathers
championship title chances in 2009.
The evidence is in, and
you can now see it here! |
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IS THIS THE GODFATHER'S YEAR - UNDEFEATED AFTER 4 WEEKS: |
(October 6,
2009) Los Angeles, California -
While many PFL owners have been taunting Gus Kotsianas and his Greek
Godfathers for years, the Godfathers now stand as the only
undefeated PFL team after four
games. Is this the season Kotsianas' brand of football
pays off? Is this the year that using a draft strategy forged
from June and July small town newspaper clippings pays off?
Probably not, but so far the Godfathers mediocre running backs and
underwhelming group of wide-receivers have the team atop the Jedi
Conference Standings. Will they be able to get the Godfathers
into the playoffs this season to hunt for that elusive PFL
Championship? Or will the Godfathers be found out like Michael
Vick at a Dog Show? Will Gus Kotsianas carry on to glory
or will he end up
trophy-less for the 15th consecutive year? |
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FRED MASKE WRITES ANOTHER BIG CHECK: |
(August 31,
2009) Los Angeles, California -
Fred Maske has pulled out his giant check book and purchased the
former Bea Arthur's Cabana Boys team. The Cabana Boys name
will be discontinued and the Chapel Hillbillies name will be stamped
upon the franchise. The team opening created by this move will
be filled by LA legal tycoon Tristan Mackprang. Mr. Mackprang
is now in charge of the old Hillbillies team and inherits the
contract players of Marion Barber, Reggie Bush, Stephen Jackson, and
Kevin Smith. |
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2009 CONFERENCE DRAFTS COMING SOON: |
(August 31,
2009) Los Angeles, California -
The
2009 PFL Season is coming up quickly. The date for the 2009
Jedi Conference Draft is set for Saturday, September 5th at 11AM
EST/8AM PST. The 2009 Empire Conference Draft is set for
Friday, September 11th at 11PM
EST/8:00PM PST. Team
owners are preparing for their annual team owners meetings in Las
Vegas, Nevada... now only a month seven days away. |
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