1 - Overall record/winning percentage.
        2 - Total points scored.
        3 - Head-to-head record.
        4 - Head-to-head total points.
        5 - Total points against. (The team with more points against advances).
        6 - Coin toss, administered by the Commissioner or assigned agent.

PLAYOFF POSSIBILITIES:
In the Jedi Conference, the SayreHill SnoopJuice have clinched a playoff spot and the Valhalla Victimizers can clinch the remaining playoff spot by either winning or tying their final game or by having the Chapel Hillbillies lose or tie their game.  All other teams are eliminated from playoff contention. 

The Raleigh Roughhousers have all-but-clinched a playoff birth in the Empire Conference!  They can only miss out if they lose their final game, and both the Boomer Sooners and Death Row Models win and outscore them by at least 24 points.  Currently the Boomer Sooners are ahead of the Death Row Models for the Empire Conference's last playoff spot, even though the teams have the same winning percentage and total points scored, because the Sooners win tie-breaker #3 by having 2 wins over the Models.  If, however, the Models lose their final game and the Frognation Imposters defeat the Sooners, Frognation will clinch the final playoff spot due to their superior points scored total over both teams.

(October 31, 2007) Los Angeles, California -
"I didn't want to have to do it. It wasn't easy. He was probably feeling pretty good about himself up to this point, scoring points all over creation. What do you want from me?" responded Polish Playboys GM Jeff Zuber when asked about his crushing victory over the Frognation Imposters of Brett Devich (shown left). "I need some title insurance. As long as he shaves that goatee. The league should find him some goatee insurance, or buy him a Nickelback cd or something."

Mr. Zuber was actually addressing the press corps about the impending confrontation with JoJo's Untouchables of freeloading couch-crasher Jorge Gonzalez. "If his team rolls into town as prepared as he was, we're in good shape. This guy [Gonzalez] can't even order cable. We'll be playing Jenga for weeks. He looks confused most of the time, talking about some win over Gus during the Clinton administration. I think it's a rebuilding decade for that squad."

"He's got the most comfortable couch I've slept on in a long time," replied Gonzalez when asked about his fondest memories of Zuber considering their strong decade plus of friendship. "His medicine cabinet is a bit confusing. He's got this diamond-shaped blue multi that got me going down there like you wouldn't believe. Thank God he's got this gallon spooge container for just such a problem. Right in his fridge, labeled 'kudson's Skim Milk.' I was a little surprised the next morning when he was preparing his cereal. I'm still getting re-acclimated to life in L.A."

Empty heads will crash in week 9, the fourth meeting between the Playboys and Untouchables in the annual Green Bucket classic. God help us all.

(October 30, 2006) The 2006 regular season is now more than half gone, and the playoff races are as tight as ever in both conferences... and could perfection be in the cards for the PFL's worst named franchise?  The SayreHill SnoopJuice are 8-0 heading into Week #9 and have the Jedi Conference regular season crown and a playoff spot all but locked up.

And it's time for the PFL's mid-season classic once again... after more than three years in hiatus the Green Bucket Game is back.  One the most heated and bitter rivalries in the PFL, the 2006 version has JoJo's Untouchables traveling to the land of limousines, playmates, and booze hounds to take on the Polish Playboys.  With the Untouchables claiming victory 46-30 in 2003, the Untouchables have dominated the Playboys in the 21st Century with additional winning performances of 17-14 in 2002, and 46-15 in 2000.  While both franchises have Hoskins Trophies in their trophy case (Untouchables in 1996 and Playboys in 1997 and 1998), the teams come into this epic clash with cellar dwelling 2-5-1 records and losing habits... rumor has it Polish Playboy owner/GM, Jeff Zuber, brought in ex-Playboy captain Lawrence Phillips to the team's training ground on Monday to fire up the squad.  One Playboy starter was quoted as saying, "Seeing Lawrence step out of his limo reminded me of what's at stake this week... I mean the guy took time off from his Chauffer job just to make sure we know how important this game is.  Lawrence Phillips represents everything the Polish Playboys stand for, and none of us are going to forget his visit."

Any thoughts?  Voice your opinions in the PFL BLOG.

(September 11, 2006) Beverly Hills, CA -
"Burress is killing me."

Such were the words of Polish Playboys owner Jeff Zuber after watching Plaxico Burress pull down an impressive touchdown grab, just beyond the reach of the overmatched Indianapolis secondary.  The athletic yet ill-advised snatch pushed the Playboys' first week point total into the double digits.

"Now if Chris [Cooley, TE for Washington] grabs three, all of a sudden we're looking at one in the 'W' column.  This is no way to run a draft." When reminded that the season is actually under way, and that the next draft is not until September 2007, Zuber merely looked agitated and confused.

Zuber later expressed pleasure that "[Lawrence] Maroney and [Joseph] Addai outperformed the so-called first string running backs on their respective teams.  They should be ready to go by kickoff next season." When asked about the lack of carries by fourth round pick DeAngelo Williams, Zuber expressed "disappointment.  But at least he's not throwing points on the board like that idiot Burress.  I've got to move that guy."

When asked whether he had any other plans for this season besides racking up young running back prospects and ridiculously lopsided losses, Zuber answered: "Only to crush that worthless slob [Jorge 'JoJo'] Gonzalez in the Green Bucket game.  I hope to score 50 points this year, all in week 9.  My hatred for that pr*** is all I have left this season."

The press conference was Zuber's first since returning from retirement.  In the previous millennium the Polish Playboys won consecutive PFL Championships, but are now in the middle of what can arguably be described as a rebuilding phase.

Any thoughts?  Voice your opinions in the PFL BLOG.  For once.

(September 5, 2006) The 2006 Empire Conference Draft is in the books, and now the PFL press room is buzzing with opinions about which teams helped their Fantasy Bowl aspirations, and which teams need new management.  Here are the individual team grades for the 2006 Empire Conference Draft (alphabetically listed) by the PFL MADMAN, who thinks owners may finally be realizing how to rate player values.

BOOMER SOONERS
Coming into the draft the Sooners were dealt a blow by having to cut injured running-back Domanick Davis, leaving them with only Shaun Alexander and Tory Holt on their pre-draft roster.  Even with no extra picks in the early rounds, and the fifth draft position out of six, the Sooners still managed to improve their team with quality players.  Selecting Lamont Jordan and Brian Westbrook gives the Sooners a strong running-back trio that is enhanced by selecting rookie Joseph Addai who could develop into a future star.  While the wide-receiver core is thin behind Tory Holt, the Sooners start the season with a legit chance of reaching the playoffs.  The Sooners needed contract players, and they got a couple solid options and a rookie contract out of their draft.  TEAM GRADE:  B+

DEATH ROW MODELS
The Models came into the draft with top-rated passer Peyton Manning, Edgerrin James, Corey Dillon, and Julius Jones, but without a first round pick.  Having two picks in each of the second, third, and fourth rounds did provide a lifeline for this never was franchise, and they took advantage of it by adding solid talent like Antonio Gates, Tiki Barber, Reggie Wayne, Warrick Dunn, and rookie Laurence Maroney.  It was a very good draft for the Models and they will be a much better team than they were in 2005, but making the jump to playoff contender is still unlikely.  They are headed in the right direction, and could get there in 2007 with a few good trades.  The contract options may not be amazing, but there are options.  TEAM GRADE:  A-

FROGNATION IMPOSTERS
History tells us that to win the Fantasy Bowl you need to have great running-backs, and the 2006 Imposters leave the draft as the team with the best wide-receivers.  Can a team with 3 wr's starting in their lineup win a lot of games?  Yes.  Can they win a PFL Championship?  Maybe.  The Imposters did have a great draft by getting stud wr's Steve Smith and Chad Johnson in the first 2 rounds, while also acquiring 4 potential running-back standouts by selecting Willie Parker, rookie Mike Bell, Frank Gore, and Reuben Droughns, but this team must avoid rb injuries in order to win it all.  GM Bret Devich made excellent selections all evening and his team will benefit from his savvy draft day.  Plus, they have young running-back contract options.  TEAM GRADE:  A+

JOJO'S UNTOUCHABLES
Well this is a tough draft performance to rate, because Jorge Gonzalez only had the 1st overall pick before the 6th round, and was clearly looking to build a team for the future by drafting more than 10 rookies.  The value of this draft will probably be awful for this season, and the Untouchables made a mental mistake by taking Jerious Norwood with their 5th overall pick after taking low-interest wr Chad Jackson with their 4th.  This costly gaff means Jerious Norwood cannot be given a rookie contract, and he may prove to be the most viable candidate for one in trade talks with teams who need a rookie.  Still adding Reggie Bush can't be a bad thing and he'll look awful good in a rookie or two-year contract.  Who knows maybe lightning will hit the bottle, but no team wants that as their hopes heading to the future.  TEAM GRADE:  D- (for current talent) B+ (for the long term game plan)

RALEIGH ROUGHHOUSERS
The Raleigh Draft wasn't overly inspiring, but it also wasn't terrible.  The key issue was having a lack of quality picks, and not in the actual players drafted.  Getting Larry Johnson in round 1 will bring a lot of smiles, and adding rookie DeAngelo Williams will likely bring many more as his future looks bright, but if you're a Raleigh fan don't expect to be needing Fantasy Bowl XII tickets.  Contract players Deuce McAllister, Tatum Bell, and Kevin Jones all have a lot to prove, and not a lot of high quality talent made it to the Roughhousers in this years draft besides Larry Johnson and Hines Ward.  No huge mistakes were made in their draft, but not a lot of excitement came from it, either.  We think Raleigh is headed for a long and frustrating season that ends in 4th or 5th place.  TEAM GRADE:  B-

SERBIAN SERIAL KILLERS
Be afraid, be very afraid.  The Serbs had another solid draft that was setup by quality trades that gave them two picks in many early rounds.  Sure a lot of people could assemble good players with a lot of picks, but Steve Cirkovic does it every year.  Their very first pick does leave us scratching our heads (why grab Clinton Portis so early?), but adding Rudi Johnson, Carson Palmer, Larry Fitzgerald, and Chris Chambers will solve a lot of problems.  Look for the Serbians in the playoffs, AGAIN, and start asking yourself why Steve Cirkovic has a winner every year, and you don't.  TEAM GRADE:  A- (the minus is for taking Portis)

Feeling good about your draft? Hate one of the teams in your conference? Voice your opinions in the PFL BLOG.

(August 14, 2006) The 2006 Jedi Conference Draft will take place Sunday, September 3rd at 11:00am PT / 2:00pm EST.  The Jedi draft will be conducted online by PFL Treasurer Mick Lendach.

The 2006 Empire Conference Draft will take place Sunday, September 3rd at 6:30pm PT / 9:30pm EST.  The Empire draft will be conducted online by PFL Commissioner Matt Lendach.

Feeling good about your draft? Hate one of the teams in your conference? Voice your opinions in the PFL BLOG.

Just like April's matchup between the NCAA's Tar Heels and Fighting Illini, the Primetime Football League's Fantasy Bowl pitted the league's top two teams.  And just like in April, Fantasy Bowl XI, between the Chapel Hillbillies and Raleigh Roughhousers, went down to the wire.

The Raleigh Roughhousers (11-5) jumped out to a quick 12-0 lead in the first quarter, leading He Who Knows All About Everything PFL Commissioner Matt Lendach to taunt Hillbillies' owner Fred Maske, "You're gonna get blown out."  The Hillbillies (12-3-1), who were oddly accustomed to playing with a lead this year, did not fold under the pressure.  In the first half, it was kicker Jeff Wilkins who kept them in the game.  But it looked bleak for the Billies when star WR Steve Smith was ejected in the second quarter for feeling up an official.  The score then see-sawed for several possessions before one of the gutsiest turning points in Fantasy Bowl history, a 17-yard TD pass from RB Clinton Portis, who had spent much of the past two seasons in the Hillbillies' dog house.

In the third quarter, touchdowns from TE Jerramy Stevens (a clutch signing this week) and Larry Johnson's hard-fought TD reception gave the Roughhousers some breathing room.  But fourth quarter TDs from the Hillbillies' Cadillac Williams and Mike Anderson made it a one-point game going into the final two minutes of play.  Then, Billies QB Tom Brady, who looked like he'd been in some sort of championship position before, tossed the game-winning touchdowns giving the Billies the 41-36 decision.

Hillbillies owner and He Who Thinks He Knows More Than Matt Lendach About Everything GM Fred Maske, who had been deservedly derided in recent years as an incompetent moron, flew across the country from his undisclosed location in Southern California to be at the game.  As he puffed on a hand-rolled cigar that smelled kinda funky he said, "Duuude....I hope that chick shows her tits."

Maske's franchise came a long way this season after several l years of futility.  Despite a fast start, a solid bench, and going wire-to-wire in first place, the Billies did not get much respect this season.  While Maske made questionable decisions like benching Mike Anderson and Steve Smith in their 3 TD performances early this year, the Billies still managed to score consistently, never having fewer than 20 points in a game all season.

"Consistency has never been a problem with us," toked Maske.  "It's just that we took perverse pleasure in being consistently bad.  That's the best time to talk trash, and insulting people is so much more fun than being good at what you do.  That's why I turned Republican."

Maske admitted that he considered relocating and renaming the franchise before the season.  The "Hollywood Liberals" would have allowed him a more hands-on role in team operations, as well as a helmet with a donkey on it.

"But let's be real, the more hands-on I am, the worse the team is.  Hey, at least I never hired Matt Millen."

Maske may not have hired Millen, but he did hire reptilian adviser Karl Rove in anticipation of having to smear and degrade his opponents since he couldn't beat them legitimately.  But Maske fired him after week one when it was discovered that Rove leaked classified draft information to treasonous reporter Darth Novak.  Those rocky times are a distant memory to the Hillbillies and their fans, who have finally found a way to embrace their troubled owner.  His best move this season may have been picking up Chris Chambers for the playoffs, keeping him and his two touchdowns out of the Roughhousers' lineup this week.

Some fans disagreed.  "It's gotta be da helmets," said one unidentified fan.  "Bout time we quit hidin' the great influence that our moonshinin' had on our style of play."

Maske says he looks forward to accepting the Hoskins Trophy when he returns to Los Angeles, adding that it will go on a Stanley Cup-like tour with his players.  "We're going to Nebraska! And Iowa! And Florida! And South Dakota! And California! And Jehovah! And New York! And then we're going to DC! YEEAAARRRGHHH!!"